Life as a Middle-Aged Punk Rocker
by David DaVo Wilkins
"I don't climb mountains to prove I'm a man, I tear them down." - Unknown
Not sure who said that or when but it has be a motto for sorts for most of my life but increasingly when I've taken a close look at my current tearing down mountain progress and wonder if those days are behind me. I really wonder if there is a true difference between being established and having already left your mark on the world and being a wash up or a has been. Now don't think that this is some self pity or debasing exercise that I'm going through. I've done a lot and have been blessed with being in the right place at the right time more times than I'm even interested in counting and maybe more than anything that is why I even begin to question my relevancy in the first place. It's just more and more often, I find when I'm posed the question, "What is new?" I have less and less to report.
Now I have to bring up age, I'm 42 and in a little over a month will be 43. I have noticed that I volunteer this information much more than I should. In part because I'm proud that I have made it to this point and because people seem to always think I'm younger based almost completely on my clothing and interests. I still dress about the same as I did in 1988, 501s or shorts and band t-shirts. The only thing at really changes is maybe my foot ware. In the summer it's the old school tie up Vans or Steel Toed Shoes and in the winter it's Creepers or Steel Toed Shoes. Basically it's a style I developed which is part punk, part Skinhead but mostly gas station attendant. Now this style seems to float in and out of style much to my undying hatred because it usually means I have to pay more for something I buy because it was affordable and last forever...
For a majority of people that were involved in the punk scene it was a stage in their life. A passing fancy which outside of their musical tastes did not effect much else in their life. Which is fine, nothing is more punk than living the life on your own terms but for me, living life on my own terms meant having Punk as my culture. Now that might make me sound like a nut but Pop culture has been completely irrelevant to my life. My friends, my news, my art, my films, my profession, my life view. my politics etc.. came into my life in some minor or often major way because of this punk rock thing. The sub-culture exposed me to a great number of things that I wouldn't have found in pop culture because it simply wasn't hip. Sometimes years before it entered pop culture. So it's strange because so many times I was well ahead of the hip factor.
The thing with punk rock is that there is always a point where you have to wonder how long can you keep this up? I look back and realize that often I choose life paths basically because I was unwilling to give it up. At times this was a self destructive path. Not in the traditional way that most people think of as being self destructive. Sure I've drank enough to get the population of Des Moines drunk. No it was a discipline and unwillingness to give up freedoms either in dress or attitude... Also I guess in a lot of ways I can blame punk on my ethical ideals which has also limited my profit. I've been told more than a few times that I was too honest to be rich and the older I get the more I realize this is true...
I don't know but I think one of the biggest factors is that the people that I had all these great experiences in the past with and were my playmates and collaborators are increasingly less like to come out and play. I have to admit that I'm guilty of this too. All of our lives have changed, we all have kids now but I really wonder if it isn't a jaded case of be there and done that? Or is it simply that the present won't ever live up to the past. That time is long gone. Those times were a combination of the first time around but more than anything it was the combination of the people...
I guess the hardest part is getting off the couch and in fact going out. For years I went out 2 or 3 times a week because I was afraid that If didn't I'd miss something. The thing is that there was a time when I would have missed something and increasingly I've noticed most of the things I'm missing are worth missing. Maybe it's cause I'm the old guy at the club but that's nothing new when you consider I was in my mid 20s when I started promoting all ages shows...
Who knows what the future will bring or what new adventures it has in store for me but I know for sure that I'm who I am and that ain't changing any time soon. My son will continue to tell me to turn down the music and every time there is a band some where that just is on it, I'll wish I was there. I will always crave action, the wonders of conversation and walking through a crowd with a smile on my face because I'm in on something they don't really understand.
DaVo
You can read the full version here.
Labels: 80s, 80s punk, 90s, Davo Wilkins, Des Moines, Iowa, Iowa alternative scene, Iowa punk scene, Midwest, punk culture, punk ethics, punk scene, research
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